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Text Box: Homefront in Focus: Cycle of Deployment (Part 3)             Stages Six and Seven   This week’s column wraps up a look at the emotional cycle of deployment. The last two stages are experienced in the weeks after service members return from deployment. Stage six, “Re-negotiation of the Marriage Contract”, starts shortly after the glow of homecoming wears off and can last up to six weeks. Many spouses and Sailors find themselves blind-sided by the challenges of this phase of Navy life. This stage is one in which the husband and wife are together physically but not necessarily emotionally. They may need time together along with shared experiences and feelings before they feel like a couple again. During this stage the task is to stop being "single" and start being married again. Both need to be aware of the necessity to refocus on their marriage. For instance, after one woman's husband had been home for a few days, she became aggravated with him when he would telephone his work-mate every time something of importance came up within the family - finally declaring "I'm your wife, talk to me!" This stage can include feelings of a loss of independence by the spouse. Both Sailor and spouse may find they need to accommodate changes in each other. You may remember the account of Anna in last week’s column. During this phase of re-negotiation Anna’s husband approached the husband of the ombudsman regarding the many changes in Anna. He was startled by Anna’s independence and maturity. He had very real adjustments to make. While Anna was as madly in love with her husband as ever, she also had a new confidence and feeling of accomplishment. Her husband was fearful he may have lost the wife he married. With communication and effort this couple has found a deeper relationship. Both Sailor and spouse will have expectations. Men often think of homecoming in terms of beer and sex, and not necessarily in that order. Women think of it in terms of affection such as cuddles and talking. Sex is down the list a bit. Communication during this time is crucial. Talk about expectations and discuss what your marriage looks like now. Your marriage will require renegotiation of roles, responsibilities and even the tone and character of your marriage. Successful couples say the key is to commit to working through the changes and challenges. Take advantage of return & reunion workshops during this time. You may find it helpful to talk to a Chaplain or counselor. CREDO, now called the spiritual fitness center, offers free weekend marriage retreats. These retreats can be very helpful in assisting couples to strengthen their marriages after deployment. Stage seven, the last stage, is the Reintegration and Stabilization phase. This stage is characterized by a new sense of comfort. Couples have successfully negotiated the changes and adjustments in their marriage relationship. They have accepted new routines and are enjoying their relationship. In discussing the emotional cycle of deployment there are a few other things that must be mentioned. First, the depth with which you may experience these stages will vary based on many factors. Some spouses have mentioned that their first deployment was the most severe and difficult. Others felt the first one with children was the most difficult. Wives with a few deployments under their belt felt the severity of the various stages differed with each deployment. Understanding the emotional challenges we face during sea tours and deployments can help both Sailor and spouse. When we realize the patterns of behavior or the emotions we are experiencing are normal we can take steps to improve our quality of life. Acknowledgements: Material for these articles includes www.myarmylifetoo.com, Kathleen Vestal-Logan, and the Navy Ombudsman Training Manual. All Rights Reserved Homefront in Focus 2007 ª SOS Hotline

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